alrights been dropping tears now and then,
that's not the vian people knew.
i'm getting so emo.WHYWHYWHY
the inner side of me has finally surface after so long.
grandpa is realli ill.
but one got to face the fact..
that your beloved ones will leave you one day.
whatever it is i'll treasure him as long as he is alive.
i'll be a strong girl ..i'm to strong to fall.
i love `my beloved grandpa.*smiles

yes,he's losin his memory.
not remembering his love ones.
but guess what! he remember me.
or probably cause i'm the naughtiest in the family ha.

i bought pumkin cakes for him the other day
panda cake for him yesterday
carrot cake for him today.
ohhh and i massaged his legs.=)
hmm..what should i get for him tomorrow?
any suggestion? somethi realli soft..
hmmmm..


whatever will happen will happen,everyone got to face death someday.i'll be strong.

11:43 PMsecret`told

ORIGINAL.
kiss slowly,
love deeply,
forgive quickly
life is too short for you to be dissappointed any longer
EDITED.
kiss slowly but why love deeply,
forget quickly
life ish too short for you to be disappointed any longer.=)

3:52 AMsecret`told

i'm angry
i'm sad
i'm getting so emo ..

grandpa is getting from bad to worse..
i'm so lost now..so lost.
but i know grandpa wants me to be strong.
whatever is goin to happen..
i know i know that i need to complete grandpa last wish
to finish my race.
i know i will.
a promise to you, my dearest grandpa.

8:32 PMsecret`told

i feel so stressed up.
i might be smiling
but then again i'm not happy,
not at all.
i was thinking thru those evils deeds i did in the past.
i feel so mean so so mean.
but i'm still like this now i guess.
example:when i hate someone that person will nv escape my evil mouth.
alrights,
i'm getting a little emo now.
leave me alone for the time being.

where's she,where's she,where's this beautiful girl.

9:10 PMsecret`told

my darling ish reaching out for her so called stars*goodness.

4:08 PMsecret`told

11:39 PMsecret`told

CRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMPPPSSSSSS...mommmmii..

10:44 PMsecret`told

all i could do was to close my eyes
and wish that the slow song would never end.
but somehow it did..
and even faster that i expected.

11:01 AMsecret`told

tomorrow is monday again!
WHAT THE HELL !
WHAT THE HELL!!
WHAT THE HELL!!!

11:38 PMsecret`told

i'm missing

alrights met mel earlier..
she came to fetch me and we headed to town.
S H O P P I N G =)
we went marche instead..met the guys ther..
2girls and 6guys. how nice..
great day i had.
it's been long since i had a great laugh...
crapping and laughing our way through.
it feels good seeing those familiar faces again.
hmm.. i'm really missing those days at work...
oh ya mel's getting married and we're invited =)

alrights stay over at grannie house again.
i cooked dinner tonight *grins
having fun cooking without having to clear up the mess.*how nice.
having the thot?OMG VIAN COOK?
yes i cook alrights!
sample it if u're lucky enough=)

12:32 AMsecret`told

bbq change to dinner*swensen at town.
im gonna see my beloved colleague in 7.5 hours time.
i can imgine what's gonna happen later..
we'll be reminiscing about times at pc show.
oh man..i'm really missing those days at work!

vian's back smiling again=)

12:05 PMsecret`told

i was in the lift with the same boy again
such a coincidence isn't it.
what's so special about him is..
i think he resemble jere.=)

too many things are happening..
and i know i can't take it any longer..
just putting a fake smile.
but well that's me.

"It's better to fight for something than live for nothing."

12:01 AMsecret`told

1:51 PMsecret`told

naughty little girl
i've been getting from bad to worse.
firstly not studying mid-year.
secondly not studyin prelim.
thirdly not attending prelim.

and..
now i'm feeling a little sick.
slight flu..omg!

1:47 PMsecret`told

i've been going down to grannie place now and then.
i was with grandpa the whole day.
till 1030,dad came and i was goin home.
i told him,i saw the tears in his eye.
guess what i don't know why but my tears started to ...

i'm really scared that one day he might just leave the world..

11:36 PMsecret`told

i'm not going to talk about him* here till my o's end,i swear and i promise.

11:16 PMsecret`told

NO SCHOOL,but it does'nt seems to make a difference
slept at 1am,
princess was asking me to accompany her online.
he came to talk to me yesterday.
asking me how's life?
telling me to take care.
and he told me he misses me=)
alrights i miss you too.
i was about to type how's life..
then again i told myself NO~
so i didn't reply,anyway he told me not to.
he's not prepared to come back,not at all.
seems like my words fall on deaf ears.
i said:if i ever receive his call,msg,msn i'll take it that he's coming back.

alrights,
i was dead tired then already.
i woke up at 6am in the morning again!
healthy lifestyle isn't it?*smiles.

6:39 AMsecret`told

it is 6.10am now
healthy lifestyle as i said.
i saw this is some unknown blog..
pretty lianish,but meaningful i guess.

never say "ilu"
if you don't really care
never talk about feelings
if they aren't there
never hold my hand
if you meant to break my heart
never say forever
if you plan to part
never look into my eyes
if you're telling a lie
never say i'm the one
if you're dreaming of another
never lock my heart
if you can't unlock it

6:14 AMsecret`told

grandma and grandpa's house,kids spoilt here.

there's this quotation at grannie place
that bro bought long ago.
it's hell true.
you get pampered like some little princess.

i lead a healthy lifestyle here

eating my 3meals regularly
sleeping at 10pm and waking up at 9am.

8:39 PMsecret`told

i received a mysterious message from nicolas
after a period of time he went MIA.*girns
was messaging then i realise i'm late
till then i forgot all about him
so i did'nt reply till now.=)

in the mrt heading towards town..
guess who i saw..desmond? *luffs.
alrights then met ms princcess at orchard mrt.
as usual shopping then went for facial.
and our day ended.

alrights went home,packed some stuff
and headed to grannie place.
stayed over..
as i miss my `beloved grandpa *smiles

he's online now and i miss him so damn much.
i was questioning myself..
if he felt the same ?
is he missing me as much ?
i've the urge to click but i told myself "no..
even if, that will be after o's.
or maybe after o's i've a change of heart?
who knows what will really happen.
till then my promise for him should had already ended.
and maybe that's when i'll be really leaving.
cause he said "girls and boys can never be good friend"
well i don't think so ..
cause i've many.
but i'm really wondering how is he coping at the another end.
is that girl giving him any more problems?
or have they become love birds?
then again..
he's stonger than me.
he don't need me to be there ,i suppose.

9:52 PMsecret`told

i was doing art in school today.
hell lots of stuffs to carry home.
jack's nice,he send me home =)
a little bit more,just a little bit more...
and i'll be done.

i went back to grannie house.
grandpa is dead sick.
he looks weak,
and he's losin weight...

please lord,don't take him away from me...

8:00 PMsecret`told

papers after papers i took
and i know nuts about what i've written on those papers.
crapping my way through i suppose.

pau and pui have been mean this mrng.
they say evil things to *
i heard it*luffs.

i wonder why people could be so happily in love,
while me,always ended wounded.
i saw those smiles.
friends around me seems so =)..
then again what abt me?
my eyes must be crossed(X.X)that i could never pick the right guy in my life?
so tired.. so tired of relationship that i don't wish to attempt anymore.
is either the boy i love never seems to be my or..
those boys that love me never attract me at all,
that i don't even wish to steal a glance at them..
but all in all..
i suppose i've learn my lesson after 2fall.
not to take relationship to seriously.

i wonder how's life over at the another end.
then again,i doubt i should bother.

i missed those star gazing nights

10:23 PMsecret`told

some lame stuff,just for entertainment purpose.
adapted from cindy's blog.

Qn: Why is fish cunning ?
Ans: cos yu pian mi fen (fish lie to bee hoon)

Qn: What animal falls down the most?
Ans: Fox, cos they jiao hua (cunning)

Qn: Xiao ming drinks milk to grow up, Da ming drinks what?
Ans: Da ming drink wine, cos Jiu Yang Da Ming

Qn: Which chinese host does not have centre parting?
Ans: wu zong xian (no centre line)

Qn: Why Zhou Jie Lun Cross the Street Kana fine by police?
Ans: Cos Jay Walking

Qn:Which emperor (huang di) is blind??
Ans: Kang xi (Can't see)

Qn: How does a fish laugh?
Ans: HE HE HE (in hokien)

Qn: How does a prawn laugh?
Ans: HEI HEI HEI (in hokien)

Qn: Why baby don't need to brush teeth?
Ans: cos bei bi wu chi

Qn: Which button on your keyboard cannot sing?
Ans: F4

10:09 PMsecret`told

end of sept holidays,
back to old school days,
prelim had officialy started.
the feeling of going into exam hall not knowing a single shit
just literally sucks.
but a relieve to say that my art is finishing soon.

i'm putting on weight.
having supper almost every night*hell it.
kfc,mac,pizzahut,dianxin,desert,smoothie.!!*hmm..
time to keep track cause..
i want to be a PRETTY GIRL!!!*smiles.

i think i'm gonna have a change of password soon..
why?
cause vian feel like it.
ask from me if you want it,or be that smart ass to guess it.=)
if you know me well enough,should be able to *luffs.

have i already give up or am i still waiting?

11:04 PMsecret`told

9:12 PMsecret`told

neoprints



crazy little girls *spot that lil imp.

i was out with my princess and manda.
really crazy day we had.

eHhhhhhHHhhhHh!!
i heard this,loud and clear.
i turned back and i realised..
i'm really missing him*.
but i'm tring my best to distract myself.
getting used,without him.
hopefully as days goes by..

alrights many incidents that got us so pissed.
ohh there's one thing i must say.
please get a life guys,*smiles.

then i'm out in the night again..

5:04 AMsecret`told

i'm out for supper last night.
nice night i have,
it really did brings a smile.
then again thanks.=)

i love you but i shouldn't.
i'd tell you but i couldn't.
i'm the only one who will ever know.
so on with my life i'll try to go.
i'll try to ignore the sick feeling i get when you're away.
and not to hang on every word i hear you say.
no longer will i let your smile melt me to the core.
when your eyes meet mine, i won't blush anymore.
is time to end this.

3:43 PMsecret`told

this is freaky,something funny too.*luffs.

Jeremy.t told me this..
Take things with open stride. Failure is success's Bad Mummy. says:
how is it
t hought s. says:
wad thing how?
Take things with open stride. Failure is success's Bad Mummy. says:
bring u out la.
Take things with open stride. Failure is success's Bad Mummy. says:
but is bike huh
Yihao told me this...
HaOGsR says:
i see.. hai.. i tot of riding around today
t hought s. says:
i don't like to ride bike.

i told both of them and copy and paste each other conversation to another.then again,is this the sudden trench at tis hour? lol
what's freaky is they type the same thing almost at the same time!omg,lol.
then..

Jeremy.t told me this..
Take things with open stride. Failure is success's Bad Mummy. says:
so u goin out with them lo..
Yihao told me this...
HaOGsR says:
u go with him lor

9:22 PMsecret`told

he called me last night,
only after 2days,8.28pm.
what's the purpose?
i was overjoyed yet shock.
the blinking light and the overwhelming music...
i saw how it faded.
2missed calls..

i was afraid that history might repeat,
give those calls a missed.
friends,i meant what i said.
i'm leaving,i'm moving on.
but i need time.

den again what was the call for?
explaination?reasoning?or..?
i'm curious,but i'm sure he isn't prepared to come back yet.
i gave you a choice,you choose to ignore it.
don't come back till you're really prepared.

lead me not into temptation,please

3:17 PMsecret`told

i hang up princess phone..
cause im feeling the kick.
is been 35hours since my last beauty sleep.
but then again.
how i wish someone could knock me hard in the head.
i just can't fall asleep.
till early morning..

i don need the sympathy
i just wish to be alone
ill be fine after which
then i told myself :i'm strong to strong to fall.

3:21 PMsecret`told

after sleepless night.. *spot tht eyebag.
and we called my new friend*pinkie.


neoprints...

i'm feeling rather down still,
but someone gotta leave.
i didn't sleep and i went shopping with my princess.
i'm dead tired now..
anyway she simply rocks my day to max.
ilu*bitch.

we went crazy and yes i think i was crazy for a moment.
moody,crazy,moody,crazy.
my mood really swing.
we shop like money simply drop from the sky,
or our dad owns a printing money shop.

i spent ard 200 bucks
simply on zara,charles&keith,neoprint and food.
but it simply brings a curve on my face.
shopping,neverless gurls best fren.=)

12:31 AMsecret`told

i'm getting a little emo now,
i'm being heartless here yet i'm complaining.
what a bitch i'm.
with my princess consoling me in msn asking me to move on.
telling me facts,explaining to me what's right from wrong.
yes indeed i've woken up from my dream,
a world that i manipulate all this while
i've put to a stop,a real stop.

it bothers me so much,
felt so lost and empty within.
harping on to something that's never seems to be my.
hoping someday dreams becoming reality.
but before that could actually happen.
i felt like i had no other choice,and i'm leaving.
it doesn't hurts to dream but it hurts more to wake up.

lets recall..

chapter 1
6years ago,
how we actually started talking on phone.
i was young and naive then.
i found him pretty irritating,pestering me all day long.

chapter 2
then i started to notice him.
we became good friend,
someone that i can really turned too.
we exchanged troubles,
he's like an elder brother to me.
we grew closer as each day passes.

chapter 3
then i was in love.
we were off contact den.
and back after is over.

chapter 4
after my n's i started to work ,
and we got even closer.
i still remember the day when he came all the way down..
just to had lunch with me,
it brings a smile really

chapter 5
we started meeting each other pretty often.
till then i think he was a nice bro?
that pampers little sister.
even though i knew that he's in love with me.
i don't feel much of a chemistry then.
and i told him is impossible.

chapter 6
time passes..
i realised i'm falling for him
for no particular reason

chapter 7
another day out basically..
he just grabbed my hand,
i was shock really shock kind of.
till then i think he was aware that yes i'm falling for him.
but i pushed his hand away.

chapter 8
i told him is not an easy task.
10wishes before i'm yours.

chapter 9
06.01.06 my baby boy is my.

chapter 10
the first major quarrel that tore us apart.
his ex phone call,a nightmare to me.
that girl demanded an answer from him when he was driving..
asking where was he and with?
guess what he answered?
i'm with my friend.
my heart shattered,it hurts,it hurts so badly
that my mind when blank.

chapter 11
we quarrelled and guess what he told me?
him: i told her that because i don't wished to quarrel with her.
then again boy,what about me?
did you even bother how i feel at that moment?
so you do have the intention of quarrelling with me don't you?
him:you are my gf you should understand.
fcuk is the word,kindly put yourself in my shoe,
it does'nt make sense.
i think you'll go crazy for god sake.

chapter 12
quarrel quarrel and more quarrel..

chapter 13
he told me that she* wants to commit suicide.
it seems a lie,or rather i thinks is a lie.
asking me how.
i told him this.
don't ask me how,you already got your answer don't you?
then please go ahead.

chapter 14
we broke off.

chapter 15
still friends and slowly we're acting back like couples.
and he got sour when i'm close to any guys.

chapter 16
things got pretty draggie...
he told me he still love me and not her,
it just a responsibility towards her.
i choose to deceive myself and believe whatever he said.
but till now, what's the truth?

chapter 17
he came down on my birthday
and celebrated that very special day with me..
but it was rather disappointing,
he don't seems to get what i really want. ..
had a long conversation that night,just sorting things out.

chapter 18
this triangle relationship carries on..
i'm hearing the same old things over and over again.
i'm starting to get tired really tired.
with all my friends going against what i'm doing make me more frustrated.
i just needed someone to support me?
not even my cloest friends agree with what i'm doing.
den again ..
i tried to wake myself up from my dream
but it did'nt quite help.

chapter 19
i came to know his friend
and he got pretty anxious.
he admitted it.=)

chapter 20
he came down,yes he kept his promise.
but then again, 2hour?
might as well not.
i'm pissed really pissed.

chapter 21
i ended this with a message.
i told him not to reply.
is either he really respected my decision
or he literally cannot be bother
that losing me does'nt seems to matter at all.
no reply.

chapter 22
i'm struggling hard.
it hit me badly,real badly.
and it hurts so much that i never know that he's actually that important in my life.
that i lose my interest in everything.
but then again,i did'nt blame him for that.
it just me being stupid holdin on.
and probaly i deserve it.

i guess everybody saw it coming,i'm dumb too dumb.
i'm just fooling myself.
or should i say i'm not even me.
the attitude girl,i used to be..
that everyone just got to give way.
but let's take it as a lesson learnt.

it took me long enough to wake up.
eventually,it's gonna fade with time,i know i gonna be fine after that.

.....if only our ending will be a perfect one? or maybe in the near future.
i'm hoping,but then again will history repeat?
i'm scared so scared of falling again.
but i'll keep my promise to you.
if you're ever coming back.. i don't wish to be hurt again.=)

4:06 AMsecret`told

alrights what about yesterday..
i did'nt really sleep,
thinkin hard and i came to a decision.
i shall walk away without turnin back.

i'm quite sure about this.
it's been a really draggie one.
yes i'm being very heartless here.
but i'm just tired too tired to hold on anymore.
that i would rather fall and hurt myself for once.
and yes i'm missin him lyk fuck now.
but no,no more turnin back.
time heals all wound i guess.=)
if you ever read this :i'm sorry.


went to pc fair again with bro,
guess what he bought me a imac!!!
best bro ever,ilovehimtoMAX.

den went down with xt to jon house.
and i told xt this:please drive as fast as u can.
which normally ill ask him not to.
but it feels good when u're in a bad mood.
we slack our day ther. went for supper with jere.
after which home sweet home.

my princess said :in life you just gotta make choices.

3:52 PMsecret`told

HOW I WISH
how i wish time would stop for us.
how i wish he's still my.
how i wish i'm greeted every morning by my love ones.
how i wish i'm driving.
how i wish i'm still young.
how i wish i'm done with my o's.
how i wish i'm still working.
how i wish i could forward or turn back the time.
how i wish i could get what i want.
how i wish i could open a candy shop.
how i wish i don't have to face the books anymore.
how i wish my house will be flooded with roses and sweets always.
how i wish granpa's health condition will improve
how i wish i wasn't born.

2:31 PMsecret`told

suppose plans today and it seems little dumb.

suppose to go get my art stuff with jon *
suppose to meet terence/monkeys at night*
suppose to have dinner with francis and jeremy after show*
suppose to go back to grannie house*

then again ..
i ended up
afternoon: tourin round spore with jack..
evening: meetin diana at night for pc show
night: ended with coyl,max and another lady.=)

let fate decide,where our story will end.
i'm tired really really tired,
i'm sorry, but i can't hold on anymore.
lets part our way.
in this world people can't have many choices.
but just one.=)

1:27 AMsecret`told

de·mand·ing
dom·i·neer·ing
a·tti·tude·queen
sleep·ing·beau·ty
fam·ily
dar·ling·sweet·heart
cheeky·WL
prin·cess·DIANA
ir·ri·tat·in·MONKEYS
Rascal Flatts - What Hurts the Most
I can take the rain
on the roof of this empty house,
that don't bother me.
I can take a few tears
now and then and just let out.
I'm not afraid to cry
Every once in a while
even though goin on with you gone still upsets me
There are days
Every now and again
i pretend i'm okay but that's not what gets me

What hurts the most,
was being so close
And having so much to say
And watchin you walk away

ROYAL

sweets·stuffs
li·ttle·pillow
sketch·book
power·puff·girls
bet·ty·boop
mu·sic

MAJESTIC

ma·ssage·CHAIR
lap·top*done
clo·thes*done
o2·atom
power·puff·girls·bed·sheet*done
heels*done